Thursday 25 August 2016

What Makes Marriage Work ????

What Makes Marriage Work ????

Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce. Over the course of a relationship that can last as many as seven or eight decades, a lot happens. Personalities change, bodies age, and romantic love waxes and wanes. And no marriage is free of conflict. What enables a couple to endure is how they handle that conflict. So how do you manage the problems that inevitably arise? And how can you keep the spark alive?
In pursuit of the truth about what tears a marriage apart or binds it together, I have experience  that much of the conventional wisdom--even among marital counsellors is either misguided or completely wrong. For example, some marital patterns that shows as a sign of a problem--such as having intense fights or avoiding conflict altogether--I have found can signify highly successful adjustments that will keep a couple together. Fighting, when it airs grievances and complaints, can be one of the healthiest things a couple can do for their relationship.
Many couples tend to equate a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim "we never fight" is a sign of marital health. But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That's how we become more loving people and truly experience the fruits of marriage.
But there's much more to a successful relationship than knowing how to fight well. Not all stable couples resolve conflicts in the same way, nor do they mean the same thing by "resolving" their conflict. In fact, It is been observed that there are three different styles of problem solving into which healthy marriages tend to settle:

1.       Couples compromise often and calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise.
2.       Conflict erupts often, resulting in passionate disputes.
3.       Avoiding Couples agree to disagree, rarely confronting their differences head-on.
One of the first things to go in a marriage is politeness. As laughter and validation disappear, criticism and pain well up. Your attempts to get communication back on track seem useless, and partners become lost in hostile and negative thoughts and feelings. Yet here's the surprise.

What really separates contented couples from those in deep marital misery is a healthy balance between their positive and negative feelings and actions toward each other.
Some couples stick together by balancing their frequent arguments with a lot of love and passion. Such couples do spend a amount of time fighting versus interacting positively--touching, smiling, paying compliments, laughing, etc. Across the relationship there is equitant ratio that exists between the amount of positivity and negativity in a stable marriage.

Saturday 20 August 2016


बहुत सुना था शादी...,शादी...,
क्या होती है ये शादी-शादी...,
शायद किसी ने सोच समझ के रखा होगा नाम शादी...,
पर मतलब क्या है शादी का...?
सोचा लाख मगर कुछ ना सुझा...,
बस फिर लिख डाला "शादी "...,

उलट पलट के देखा बहुत...,
फिर भी हल ना निकला कुछ...,
थक हर कर ये ही समझा...,
ना कहो इसे बर्बादी...,
क्योंकि इसी से तो है...,आज देश में इतनी आबादी...,

जो भी कहो दोस्तों, है...,जरुरी ये शादी..., 
लड्डू ऐसे जो खाए वो.,पछताए...,

और ना खाए वो भी  पछताए...,
यही है शादी..., हाँ यही है शादी...!!!


Monday 15 August 2016



Coincidentally I am the one who enjoy reading romance more than horror, thriller or any genre for that matter when it comes to reading.

Rishaan the protagonist and his love interests Kiara and Diya at different point of time and situation make significant characters with their separate identities and inherent quirks and expectations. But they indeed share a commonality; an ever searching toil of filling the void in each one’s heart.
Rishaan is this dreamy, idealist, middle-classy boy-next-door. He is spontaneous, talented and great fun to be with but could also be tremendously higgledy-piggledy like most other husbands-in-making young men. Kiara as described by author himself is a spunky, freethinking, free spirited Bengali bombshell. Someone who lives a life with her own terms and viciously honest. Yet amidst the unpredictable differences, the two begin their journey of relationship with intense infatuation.
Diya, to the converse, seemed to be a strong, calm woman who is definitely in control of her life despite the chaos around. There is something very attractive about her womanliness too.
Rishaan is strained to her silently. Rather than carnal wishes, shared compassion, companionship and long conversations is the basis of their bond. Since Kiara and Diya are bosom friends, how the interpersonal dynamics between the three creates stirring situation and the innermost feelings and universality of human reactions to love, betrayal and hurt is resplendently exhibited through the tale.
These line of the story witticism as: “Rishaan knew that life and Bollywood were indeed capable of throwing up some crazy surprises.”
I would like to dislocate my share of earful on the story here without further sharing any more details, and trying not to spoil the reader’s eagerness and allowing them to savor the original narration or compelling expression by the writer himself by reading the book itself.The climax was quite interesting with twists and turns as they unfold. For that you need to read this book.

Now my Positive viewpoints:

The positives of the story are the characters easily identifiable. The simple plot, lucid free-flowing words and the identifiable characters with swift, zesty narrative style makes a light, engaging and easy read for us.
Characters strike a chord with the modern urban metropolitan readers especially Mumbaikars with everyday minute nuances(be it the quirky auto drivers or a smooth-talking boss in loveless marriage) and relationship dynamics being skillfully portrayed. A fearsome, stimulating, challenging, interesting, and provocative fiction of quests clouding contours between vampires and humans is simply mind blowing. The author has added some vernacular lingo and famed movie songs to add his personal style. The book is an absolute page turner but somehow I wanted it to end differently. So there I was, a bit gloomy.

Some suggestive points:

Although the narration of the story is wonderful but at some places the story becomes stagnant. A little more editing would definitely increase its appeal. Sometimes, descriptions of people and places are very exaggerated, which seemed somewhat unnecessary. Finally, what strike me or made an impression on me is the way the story tried to explore the fragility and vulnerability of human relationship. That we are flawed being and with that comes perfectly imperfect relationships, which we agree or not but somewhere have to acknowledge the fact. No relationship is ‘happily ever after’. But then it’s our individual choice to persevere or not.
If all you want is a light, breezy and effortless but wistful read that takes you through that vulnerable, unpredictable, fallible love lane and expose you to the myriads of warm kindled sensibilities, soak into it. You never know after reading this, you might feel lucky enough for what you have or maybe what you don’t have!

 Final words:

Overall if asked I would say this is a good book, perfect accompaniment to anyone interesting in reading on weekend pastime. Overall I would say...this is a good job done by Author (Tuhin A Sinha) … I would give 4 stars to this book.